Nature walk

Wouldn't you know my other post was eaten...Don't know what happened to it.

We are getting snow!!! Yea!!! I want it to keep going for at least another 24 hours. The weatherman said that we would get at least an inch an hour and it was supposed to go strong for 9 hours. As usual...they lied. Even though it is supposed to snow throughout the night, I seriously doubt we will get the 15 inches.

Our unschooling is going along right on schedule. (^_^)

We went to a nature center last week. We had so much fun. Rhett was fascinated with the baby snapping turtles they had. He spent a lot of time watching them. One boy came up and was looking at them. He made a comment about how ugly they were. Rhett turned around and said, "They aren't ugly. They are just fine."
He got to put on costumes and became a thistle. He went around showing off his "leaves". Dusty spent his time talking with other homeschoolers his age.
We then went for a walk along the trails. I thought we'd see more wildlife than we did, but it was a nice jaunt. It was such a beautiful day. Rhett made a friend his age and stuck by him almost the entire time on the walk.
It was fun watching the two interact, they kept watching out for each other and spent time trying to throw sticks into a small stream below.

We were there for over four hours, exploring, walking and talking. I can't wait to go there again. The boys and I usually go and explore the trails off of the main one. We try to identify all the tracks we see. There have been plenty of deer, raccoon, fox, coyote, and bird tracks. Once Rhett found a very tiny frog hoping along in the grass. He wanted to take it home, but we let him go closer to the water. He even spotted a praying mantis.

We ended the day with a supposed bookclub meeting, but the only other boy dropped out and Dusty was excluded as the girls went into the bedroom and shut the door. Oh well, its not like he wanted to read a girly book anyway. But it would have been nice for them to include him since he showed up.

Embracing oneself

The other day I got a little questionnaire and one of the things on it was: What do you like least about yourself?
My answer was, why do I have to not like something about myself? I'm sure there are things that I don't, but I never really thought about it. Things that I probably would change, maybe. Such as lose weight. Things I would adjust, like, not feel so much. But I don't think there is anything I don't like about myself.
I think people tend to dwell on the negative about themselves instead of the positive. I overhear conversations where someone will say that they hate "(insert something here) ." I rarely hear I really love "(insert)" about myself. If they did, I think there would be a lot more happiness around. If we look at the positive in ourselves, we notice the positive in others. If we are negative about ourselves, we see the negative in others.
In this society, it is difficult to do that since we are constantly bombarded by negative things. Pictures of skinny women who are airbrushed to look beautiful that makes people think they want to be like them...
The news with mostly negative things in it...death, destruction, someone hurting someone.
T.v. shows that usually portray the bad things in life. Even reality shows that pit one person against another.

Can you look at yourself and think, "I love myself just the way I am."?
If no, is it something you can change? If you cannot change it, can you find something good about it? If you cannot find anything good about it, can you overlook that one part and see yourself as a whole?

I love meeting people. I am usually viewed as stand offish and I suppose I am to an extent. Sometimes people overwhelm me so I have to adjust when I meet someone new especially in a crowd. I try to find something good in each person that I meet and I like that with each person, I take away something positive.

Passing of a legacy

I often wonder what people will remember of me when I am gone. My mother was well remembered and at her memorial, people were able to comment of what they remembered of her. Most of it was that she was a hard worker, a good friend, humble...
She tried.
Another person I looked up to just passed away. His students remember him for being generous, full of knowledge and willing to help.
My mother passed on to me ideals that most mothers leave their children. She left me my heritage of being Japanese. To be proud of what I am. I remember growing up and being made fun of for being Japanese and having dark skin.
My mentor passed on a love of herbs and to be generous with my knowledge. What good is the knowledge of being able to help someone if it is not shared freely?
I want my children and friends to be able to have fond memories of me also. I want to impart my knowledge onto them if they so choose to accept.
I wonder if they will not only think good things of me...or bad...but also the things that I have shared with them?

Keeping Busy

Time has a way of getting away from me. Its already towards the end of February. In a little over a month, my oldest son will be moving away to the state of Washington. All I can hope is that I have taught him to be able to take care of himself well in any situation. I cannot think of this as a loss. I have lost too many thing in the past few months. Another chapter of my life. Like graduating high school, getting married...having my firstborn child and now watching him go off to start his own life.

Learning around here goes on all the time. We each have been doing different projects. Right now Rhett is learning the ins and outs of video games. It is really sad when a four year old can beat you in video games. But then they have never been my favourite things. I do better at puzzles than games that make you complete tasks and walk all over the place. I get bored very easily. They have also been playing with a race track that we got at a thrift store pretty cheap. Oh the endless possibilities with that one. They have also been on the look out for a train set.
Its been warming up here little by little. I was still hoping for the one big snowstorm so we could bring out the snowboards. We shall see. One more month.
We will start seeds buying seeds soon so we can start them in planters. I have plans for my garden, now only if it will cooperate. I really hate the soil out here as it is mostly clay. I am going to see if Dusty can build me a solar powered greenhouse. He is getting good at building things. I can't wait to pose the problem to him to see what he comes up with. I want to be able to have herbs all year round outdoors.
I am going to study to take the Japanese Proficiency test. I think it will be the Kanji recognition that will kill me. Over 2,000 characters. Kana is not so hard. I told Dusty that he has to study to take it also. He was not so thrilled. I told him after that, I will teach him Spanish and French.

Not much else has been going on. I have been missing my mother horribly, but I also know my boys miss her too.

Projects

I just replaced my drop spindle that my littlest one broke/misplaced. He was experimenting with it and it disappeared. Well I did find the bottom of it. They aren't hard to make, but I've been busy with so many other things like the death of my mother and my husband flaking out on me. It is going to be a long journey in the healing process for us.

I am trying to get back into the things that bring me joy. So I made another spindle, got out my big bag of wool, washed a bunch, carded it and am now spinning it. I still have to get better at knitting, my fingers just aren't that nimble. I can crochet though.
I've also been doing research for some articles I am writing plus a couple of manuscripts that have been collecting dust over time.

The boys each have been doing their own thing. My oldest, besides getting a job finally, has been writing non-stop. I wish he would try to publish some of his stuff, but he says that its just for fun. Dusty, my younger son, has been taking his little brother out to the park and flying a glider plane or playing with the neighbourhood kids. Its been rather warm here as of late. We have our days where it will be 60 one day and 30 the next. Man has been messing with Mother Nature for way too long.

Since the boys have found my stash of beeswax, we will be making candles this week. I am so glad that I bought 75 lbs of organic beeswax awhile ago. It has kept the kids busy in making crayons, candles, gum, lotions, salves, etc. I love the smell of pure beeswax.

I am patiently waiting for Spring. I do love winter. I love watching the snowflakes fall, watching the boys play in the snow and build snowmen, going sledding, the promise of hot cocoa with whipped cream and marshmallows. A nice warm fire in the fireplace and curling up with the boys and a book. But Spring...the birth of the new. I want to go foraging for yellow and curly dock. I want to eat fresh dandelion greens. I need to replenish my herb stash. I need to make my oils and tinctures.
I will be able to teach my boys about different herbs and how to make medicine to take care of themselves. Hopefully they will be able to pass it down to their children. I want them to know that they don't have to take all the junk that passes for medicine in the stores or pharmacies.

So as we sit here and rest as the Earth rests, we keep busy with little things. I am looking for work so I can support me and my children since I no longer have a spouse to help with the biggest of burdens. How lucky of him to call it quits and he gets off with little responsibility and I am going to have to try to keep the children in the only home they really know.

Letting Children be Children

I was reading a book called Taking Back Childhood by Nancy Carlsson-Paige. It stated how the school systems were taking away playtime from children in favour of teaching children to make the best test scores on the state standard tests. She also said that children do not play like children played a decade ago using their imagination and playing outside, instead they spend countless hours in front of the t.v. or playing hand held video games.
Then I was reading on a site about some parents of gifted children pusing them to read, not because the child wanted to, but because the parent thought the child should be reading at the age of 3. She said something along the lines of I had to take a break from the reading progam because ds was just not getting it.
I thought how true for what Carlsson-Paige said and how sad for that child. Where did that child's childhood go? That three year old should be playing, making up imaginary things, being read to, exploring. Not made to sit and do worksheets and lessons. I could see if it was the childs choice, my oldest wanted to learn to read at the age of two, was reading simple books by the age of three and reading chapter books by the age of four. But it was his doing not mine. He would bring me a book and ask, "What's that word?" It was constantly, "What's that word?"
My middle child did not want to read, loathed reading when he was younger. So I took the leap and let him be. He built things, he explore, he played with power tools. You should have seen the look on people's faces as they walked by my house and they would see a three year old playing with a jig saw and sander. At the age of eight he decided it was time. He started off hesitantly, but by the time he was nine he was reading fluently and getting up in front of people and giving public readings. Now he reads adult books and he just turned 11 not too long ago. So there is hope for those who have late readers.

I remember when I was young going out and catching garter snakes and taking them to school with me. This was always a fail safe measure to getting out of reading when I was in the 3rd grade. I hated reading because I am dyslexic. More with numbers than letters though, but at that age it was all bad. When it was my turn to read...out would come Mr. Snake with my book and that was the quickest way to clear the teacher out to the room (and me to the principal's office). Then mid-year had a teacher change and the teacher actually worked with me to read. It's not that I couldn't do it, it was just that I hated to struggle at it...when I am nervous it makes it worse. Nothing makes me more nervous than to have all eyes on me when trying to read...
I read a lot better silently. Since she worked with me it got better little by little. Then lo and behold they found out that I was gifted. Then came the real pressure. Teacher always said..."You can do better than that." or "I'm disappointed in you that you did not try harder." Work got piled on me and I was at home studying instead of catching crawdads and snakes like my brother and his friends...who were once my friends. While they ran around playing chase and tag, I was inside studying, reading, doing worksheets.

I wanted something different for my children. I know they are gifted...each in their own way. Three children, talented, in separate areas. Its great to watch them. I want them to have time to play and imagine. I want them to be able to find an area they excel at without someone pushing them into an area that they are not happy in. I want them to have a childhood.
I know my three year old is ready to read but he has more fun building with blocks and learning about physics. He has more fun catching bugs, dancing in the yard, and watching the clouds go by on a summers day. In the winter he loves to watch the snowflakes and try to catch them on his tongue.
That is what childhood is about. Not trying to get ahead academically, not making them sit for hours at a young age to test for a standard that has nothing to do with them. They should be able to make believe, imagine, play, dance...
Imaginative play is important for a child's development. It builds necessary pathways in cognitive development. It helps with problem solving and developing coping mechanisms and this is the stage that is being denied children with early work, the ever decreasing play time at school, pushing young children to accomplish things they are not ready for.
It is time we as parents give back our children their childhood. We as parents, are our children's first advocates for what they need because we know our children best.

Me and my music

Right now I am listening to B'z. Its a usual thing. They are a Japanese group, AWESOME. I know most wont get the lyrics (that's what google is for...), but they do sound great. The tempo, the sound of his voice, the guitar. They are the first Asian group to get a spot on Hollywood Rock Walk. Tak Matsumoto, B'z guitarist, is a signature artist for Gibson and has several limited editions made in his honour.
Anyway...
Music is healing or can be. For me it is a way to drown out emotions. Not mine...others. Well, it also helps so that my emotions don't overwhelm others also at times. So I am seldom without music if I know I am going into a crowded place. I'm usually the only one who is wearing headphones in a bar or nightclub. Go figure. The only time I go somewhere without my tunes is if I know I am with someone safe. Someone who can act as a buffer so I am not overwhelmed at times. Or if I am in a place where my music is totally not appropriate.

I went to my mother's memorial and there were so many people. Music totally not appropriate. One of my friends doesn't quite understand what its like for me. But she was my buffer that day. Try as I did, it was overwhelming and while I was trying to keep a straight face and not cry, not let the emotions overwhelm me, she took the run off. I think she was fine for about the first 5 minutes or so.

My music ranges from really soft stuff to Classical to Pop to JPop, Grunge to heavy metal type stuff. I think it depends on the situation I am in that chooses the type of music that helps me.